First post with many topics on and now here!

Catherine Palmer Paton
8 min readOct 17, 2020

Submitted by livfully on Thu, 10/08/2020–17:42

Here’s something that caught my eye (a stunning photo of a red moon) and maybe I saw it from my front yard too. But I heard Mars was visible so was hoping it was that, not ‘just an awesome moon.’ Glad I have a great view of the sky out in the country!. All the more reason to “Look Up” and learn about what’s going on up there.

Apparently another headline I saw says ‘space is getting crowded’ (with satellites I am pretty sure…) and that could be dangerous or not good. I’ll have to google to fine out more… but one moon and space adventure at a time!

This is an inaugural post on this site (new from which lives on I’m giving you the tour like so many real estate shows do when shopping for the perfect place to fit one’s needs.

At least it’s ‘just me’ (and the rest of the world I’m speaking to and holding in my heart) to consider when finding a place to nest and share thoughts and ideas, some other media posts and creative ideas and questions — my favorite being ‘What IF” to remember the “if” in the middle of LIFE and also between ‘deciding and actually doing’ something.

The TedTalk on that (which I can hopefully find and likely listed on the came to mind when learning the tragic pattern of Chris Watts planning to end the life first of his unborn child by giving his legal wife pills to cause her to abort without her consent. He was ‘falling in love’ supposedly with another woman and feeling he had to make changes in his current family status.

He unfortunately went into the mode of deciding to ‘get rid of his wife and kids, literally.’ From a clip on television he said he knew that the night prior to the day he did end their lives that would be ‘the last night tucking his babies in’ to bed.

The next day he thought he had suffocated them and then killed their mother. Then he realize the two children were alive so took them with him to ‘the remote site where he worked’ and ended their lives there.

Thankfully the woman he was pursuing came forward with concerns that he may have been responsible for the loss of his family, and so the truth was learned. It would seem more men, women and anyone having ‘serious interest or romantic or sexual interest in someone’ would want to have a way to ‘doublecheck if they are playing with a full deck’ in terms of rational thoughts and plans versus being off balanced internally whether due to hormones, maturing as a teen or adult or aging in terms of facing bodily and mental challenges or related to menstrual cycles or pregnancy or menopause (as a female of course) and overcompensating with using others to make the world seem a certain way.

The jealousy, rage, lust, greed and so on are real players in anyone’s world potentially. Looking at a life story from the start in terms of natural or social stressors (including difficulties or even stress in the family during a pregnancy or time of birth, early life and onward, a lack of basic care or sustenance, too many changes or substance use or violence factors are being identified as ACEs, Adverse Childhood Experiences.)

Many people are struggling unknowingly with deep shame or blame whether from something they did or was done to them, or what they or others close to them experienced in the past (and even in a past life, so the possible causes truly are endless.) The good news is people can learn to envision and feel hopeful and chart a new course of healing.

Those can be linked to some people having patterns of abuse, control, or violence and harm, poor health and mental illness challenges.

Rather than only wait until crimes occur, more people could be encouraged to get mental health check ups and get therapy and watch certain online programs on and specific programs to help them situate their life experiences, supports and ongoing helpful people, places, and resources to double check their motives and plans.

Not being able to realize the risk of being caught and landing in prison seems an elephant in every criminal’s room.

When people feel they have ‘gotten away with something’ especially in terms of a crime or killing against another, how can they not think that will affect them for the rest of their own life?

What are they defining as ‘winning’ or ‘getting ahead’ or even ‘having to do something terrible to get out of trouble or make their own life or someone else’s better (for instance a friend, lover or even others in a gang?)

When people have run out of options or something happens ‘out of the blue’ those may be harder to track but likely there are warning signs of decline and ongoing issues for a community to pay attention to and find ways to have more ‘intermediary guidance and gentle interventions.’

When criminals or others with serious issues that could harm themselves or others (even dementia or issues related to aging when someone should not be driving due to safety and mental health concerns whatever age they are and particularly younger or newer drivers for not only themselves but others they may put at risk), a person can be pulled over for a simple driving violation (or addressed even in a parking lot.)

Apparently part of the escalation of harm that resulted in the death of George Floyd was that he banged his head on the car and started bleeding. Ideally police could offer or put a hat or even helmet on someone to prevent that kind of harm.

Another kind of coat of vest with a way to handcuff loops together rather than pull someone’s hands completely behind them could also be used.

Maybe there are some cuffs with more links in them, but it seems some of the problems come from people resisting arrest and things escalating. Even in home settings when caring for youth or elders or others who are getting out of control, safety protocols could be shared publicly to help people de-escalate matters.

Getting AWAY from someone who is unstable, maintaining access to a phone (cell phones are great) and doorways that cannot be locked (if children are in the home and upset and an adult wants to step outside to let them cool down for instance and not end up getting locked out which can happen when a child knows how to lock doors.)

A safety plan for having children go in a room and be contained so they will not run off is important especially as children get to an age where they do know how to leave the home for a walk on their own, but even before.

Many unstable adults basically revert to acting in irrational ways that may be fairly normal for youth. Making a video of a child that is losing self-control can be helpful to go over with them at a later time when they are calmer, or possibly share with another adult (their other parent or support person for instance) if that will not create a major set of problems.

Knowing who one can call for support for the adult/s or child/ren to speak to is important as well to find ways to regroup and allow everyone to feel and safely express their feelings with words, possibly going for a walk or run outdoors or around a house or doing jumping jacks and really learning to calm down one’s breathing by taking some deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.

Looking up sites such as HeartMath Experience to understand the physiology of emotions and consider they are bit like the weather, stormy or cloudy, sunny or rainy, needing to emerge and move through the system but not necessarily elevate if there is no immediate real threat (such as a tiger in one’s house or fire to run from.)

The more we choose as a society to help clarify reasonable steps for someone to take in any situation whether part of an ongoing social situation or something that comes up, like a turn of events in a cloudy day to a stormy one (especially one with strong winds that can bring branches if not trees down) the more people can plan to have support and take cover even with little notice.

Finding people to be aware of one’s daily, weekly and monthly routines and patterns and keeping a checklist on a calendar can help create a good sense of planning and connection to keep stress down.

Taking breaks throughout the day and over the course of the week and month to let oneself and each person feel they are ‘having time off’ and ideally others to check in with to see if things are Feeling Okay and Reasonable or if ‘something might be off’ can be a big step toward warding off more serious problems and patterns. All of this is easier to consider as I reflect on things having lived almost six decades.

I am hopeful things are easier for younger people yet know much of the internal dialogue and practicing feeling feelings, making plans and connections can take a while.

Our society in the United States is set up to let people who are good at networking get ahead and pretty much leaving others behind to figure it out with some agencies which are now mostly online.

So personal connections that could prove valuable are diminished by a huge percent and people may understandably feel isolated and without clear support.

Let’s try to turn over a new leaf in that story of how life goes…and come out with heaps of support for online and some state and local encouragement for everyone to feel they matter as part of a caring, capable forest of friends!

Here’s to a more healing, positive outcome to whatever storms in life or one’s thinking come up… and remember thinking or even deciding something doesn’t mean one has to stay true to that plan or ‘final decision’. It isn’t a done deal until something is done.

Let’s pray the learning that can emerge from the terrible losses of Eric Gardiner, George Floyd, Travon Martin, Michael Brown, Jake Blake and Brionna Taylor are not lost on the majority of Americans and the world as we face the next important moments in our collective history and journey.

We must and can remember, even situations such as happened to our late teen son Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton, who was with friends at a dangerous river near huge waterfalls that the parents had told me they would not have the youths go to.

They ‘changed their minds’ without consulting me or others in reasonable positions to make sure safety measures were in place to only look at the site from a distance rather than venture jumping into an area that ‘looked calm’ near the falls.

There were hidden undercurrents. Kaelan was able to save two of his friends before helping a third who made it, but Kaelan did not.

That happened in mid-June 2009 and sometimes it takes a decade a more to really try to comprehend what happened and learn what needs fixing in terms of clear safety guidelines, agreements and laws to monitor minors and hold adults accountable.

That can put the brakes on more ‘spontaneous’ or other dangerous outings and ways for youth to get carried away, whether with responsible adults or not.

The communities and states can set reasonable guidelines to follow and that alone should speak to more adults and minors who want to “stay in the game of life and stay in their bubbles of cool and calm to stay out of trouble of cruel and harm!”

See more Remembering Alexander Kaelan Palmer Paton has more information to consider. Many thanks to all working for peace and healing in these times!



Catherine Palmer Paton

Catherine Palmer Paton of CT is the mom of a heroic teen son Kaelan who passed saving his friends from dangerous water in 2009. Writing on also.